These are random things that flow through my head late at night and I decided to rant about them.
1. Butterscotch is one of the most underrated flavors of all time. Doesn’t the name say enough? Butter and scotch, what’s more manly than that? Well, maybe ammo and chewing tobacco but that would not make a tasty flavor unless you’re Charlton Heston or a Republican. Firstly, chocolate and vanilla are great if you’re a six year old kid with a hello kitty backpack and a dream. However, if you wanna take a walk on the wild side, they will not do. For that you're gonna need something you can only find in the sweet land of butterscotch. It will make you swear, turn you on, and make you cry all at once.
2. The meet-cute is the most important part. I wonder what they call it in porn, maybe the meet-meat?
3. The Food Network is best thing to happen to cable since Adult On-Demand. The Food Network is the greatest channel on cable right now, hands down, no contest. I DVR anywhere from 3-20 hours worth of food-related programs a week. With shows like "Down Home with the Neely’s" to "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" and "Throwdown with Bobby Flay", you can’t go wrong. The combined force of Guy Fieri, Bobby Flay and Emeril make stars like Kiefer Sutherland, Matthew McConaughey and Russel Crowe all look like cry baby bitches that are in need of a change. ‘Nuff said!
4. Why do men find tight pants cool? It’s not. In fact its kinda creepy.
5. Dirty girls… who’s a dirty girl? You know who you are. Stop. Repeat: stop using your vagina for evil. I see you out at the bars wearing what can only be described as scraps. Do some good with it. Did we learn nothing from the movie "Easy A"? The lesson learned from that movie is simple: use your vagina for good, ladies. Plant a tree or wink at a goofy-looking kid in the corner wearing that band t-shirt you've never heard of, making him feel special and tingly in places he’s only heard about online.
6. Facebook is the new high school hallway.
7. The color pink is annoying to see on women over the age of 13. Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know, but I’m not for it. There are only two things that should be pink, and one of them is Flamingos. Don’t even get me started on people who say pink is their favorite color…
8. My friend Jacques is one of the best people I have ever known. If the world was Danny Glover from Lethal Weapon he would be Mel Gibson (but not hate Jewish people). If you meet him, and you should, order him a Shirley Temple or an Arnold Palmer and listen to his views on life. He knows more about good music and movies then Sarah Lee knows about dessert. He has soft hands... so be gentle.
9. I'm new to this blog thing.
If you are offended by what has been written here then you are reading it wrong. Try it backwards; it’s less offensive that way.
